SAHM: My Six-Month Review

Was it really just six months ago that I walked into my boss’s office, closed the door, and spoke the words I never thought I’d say?

I’m really sorry, but I’m leaving. I’m going to stay home with my girls. It’s just something that I need to do. 

I was dreading that encounter, but she was compassionate and understanding. I had to focus on my long-term goals, rather than the short-term awkwardness. Once that was over, I had to tell the girls’ daycare provider. This was perhaps the hardest thing of all. Not only was I taking away a big part of her income, she truly loved the girls. But she understood, too.

Two weeks later, it was just me and the girls (and the occasional babysitter/daycare stay). I don’t think anything could have prepared me for this career change, not even advice from friends, SAHM blogs, or well-researched books. There were lessons I just had to learn for myself. As happy as I was to soak in time with my girls, I struggled at first. I felt that my entire identity had been wrapped around my work, and when that was taken away, I was lost. You see, I’m not exactly a natural at this SAHM thing. I truly believe that some moms are, and some aren’t.  I feel much more comfortable glued to a computer all day, or composing a strategic sensitive message to send to stakeholders, or even giving a TV interview about an upcoming fundraising event.

So, looking back six months later, did I make the right decision? Should I have stuck it out? Was this a mistake? I can tell you now, without a doubt, I have no regrets. Yes, I miss the paycheck, I miss the adult interaction, I miss the sick days, I miss the sense of fulfillment. But you know what I don’t miss? The feeling that my days were just slipping away, set on “fast-forward.” I don’t miss the pang of guilt after being away from my children for 10+ hours every weekday (and some weekends). I don’t miss my daughter saying things like, “Daddy lives at home, but mommy lives at work.” (Now, she begs me to leave her with a sitter every once in a while.) And here’s another thing I don’t feel guilty about anymore: spending time with friends, with my husband or just by myself. Before, I didn’t want to miss a minute with my girls, but now, my life is more balanced. If the opportunity for a girls’ night out or hot date with the hubby arises, I take it and run.

Please know this is not a judgment on other mothers and their decisions. This is about me and my family, and what was best for us. Someday, I will need to head back to the workplace, and I’ll probably welcome it with open arms. But for now, I’m content right where I am. I’ve got enough freelance work to feel professionally fulfilled (but I could always use some more dough, so throw a lead my way if you’ve got one). And more importantly, I’m living life on “play,” experiencing day-to-day life at a bearable pace, rather than hurtling downhill at breakneck speed and grasping at footholds along the way. I’m watching my children grow before my eyes, rather than in a highlights reel.

If I were to be evaluated for my performance, what kind of review would I receive? Would I get a pat on the back, a warning or perhaps a raise? I’d like to think I’d get an “E” for effort, at least. Here are the areas where I feel I excel, and the areas where I’m just not as gifted.

Kudos:

1. I read to my girls often. We have books tucked into every nook and cranny in this home, and they’re well used.
2. I make a home-cooked dinner (and breakfast and lunch) almost every day.
3. To heck with penny pinching, I’m a penny masticator. I’m frugal and I know it.

Areas of Improvement (doesn’t that sound nice?):

1. Housework
2. Housework
3. Housework

I’m not sure how much longer our finances will allow me to stay at home, but my confidence is growing in this position. My housework abilities may not improve much (at least until the girls stop destroying things), but I hope my other skills will help keep me “unemployed” awhile longer. And if getting a “raise” or “bonus” means baby #3, I think I’ll have to pass. 🙂