Are Selfies Ruining Teen Self Esteem?

I recently wrote an open letter on my Facebook Page to another page that features far different content than I do: local teens posting selfies in hopes of finding out if they’re “hot or not.” While many of the photos were benign, the whole concept was deeply disturbing. And even though I know this is a widespread trend (and not even a new one), I just couldn’t let it go. After all, these are girls I know. Quite literally. The post has received many positive comments and has even been shared many times, but the page in question continues to carry on as normal. So what do I hope to happen? I hope that this message will cause a girl to think twice before posting to this page, or others like it, and at the very least, let her know that she IS worthy, if in fact she’s already participated. I also want parents to pay attention to their daughter’s online behavior, and notice when she’s seeking behavior in this way. Here’s what I wrote:

An open letter to Wichita’s Hottest Teens:

Hello there. First of all, please know that I’m not writing this to judge you, or shame you, or belittle you. Quite the opposite, actually. I’m writing this because 12 years ago, I was you. And 12 years from now, my daughters will be you. Young women with their whole lives ahead of them. (Yes, I know there are young men here, too, but I’m just talking to the ladies for now.)

Is it any of my business what you say and do online? Yes and no. You have the freedom of speech and the freedom to display your physical appearance for all the world to see, and ultimately judge. You see, that’s what really bothers me about your page. Not the fact that you’re celebrating being in your physical prime, but that you’re asking others to rate you and rank you. When I see this added with a photo, I cringe:

5 likes = PRETTY
10 likes = BEAUTIFUL
15 likes = GORGEOUS
20 likes = OUT OF THIS WORLD!
30 likes = BROKE MY SCALE!!!!!!

So why does it bother me so much? Because it breaks my heart to think that one of you, any of you, would be made to feel less than beautiful because of whether or not someone clicked a little word under your photo. Because I want you to know that you’re uniquely beautiful, no matter your size, hairstyle, teeth whiteness, or other societal standard of attractiveness.

Enjoy your youth. Wear a bikini to the pool if you so choose. Wear the latest fashions that make you feel confident. Post (appropriately clothed) selfies on FB and Instagram if that makes you feel good. But please, please, please stop asking others to rate, rank and judge you. Maybe you’ll get a momentary rush from a high number, but what happens if it’s low? What happens if it makes you feel really crappy? What happens if it starts to affect how you see yourself, which activities you’ll participate in, which opportunities you’ll pursue?

Trust me. You’re pretty, beautiful, gorgeous, out of this world, and let’s break this scale once and for all.

Love,

Cat