Filling Up While Running on Empty: Why I’m Training for a Half Marathon

For nearly five years now (if you count pregnancy) my body hasn’t been mine. It’s been stretched, leached, swollen, ripped open, sewn back up, bitten, sucked into a vacuum (of the Medela type), bruised, infected, and overall, manhandled. When you become a mother, you lose full custody of your body. Your legs become trunks of safety for little arms to wrap around, your softened belly becomes a pillow for fevered foreheads and your dimpled bottom becomes a source of amusement for curious preschoolers. Every great once in awhile, I might get shared custody for myself, to enjoy a long, hot shower alone, a rare pedicure, or even just relish in the feeling of freshly cleaned sheets over bare skin. And when time allows and exhaustion hasn’t consumed us both, my husband gets a piece of this pie, too. (And yes, I know you just giggled at that.)

When I was asked recently to join the Local Joes team and train for the Prairie Fire Half Marathon, I hesitated to reply. I wasn’t really intimidated by the physical challenge, I’ve run a half marathon before, and after pushing out two babies, I know this body can take a beating and keep on going. More than anything, I was afraid of the time commitment. I’m a busy gal, and could I really justify doing something just for…me? It would be not only a commitment for me, but for my family. My husband works long, physical hours, and has a one-hour each-way commute. My freelance schedule could easily fill full time hours, but I choose to have part-time childcare. Throw in a few volunteer commitments on top of that, and…there was no way this would work. And nevermind the fact that I had NO energy. I mean, I could barely jump on the trampoline with my girls let along run 13.1 miles. If a car can’t run on empty, how can I?

But I began to imagine what would happen if I said no. I would purchase another round-trip ticket on this crazy train, take no time for myself, and end up continuing the cycle of mommy burnout. And above all else, I wanted my body back. No, not the firm, flat pre-baby abs, or the taut, round pre-baby booty, but the strength, stamina and energy of a pre-baby person. I wanted pep in my step again, muscles that didn’t strain to complete the smallest task, and the ability to keep up with my kiddos on a daily basis. (Oh, who am I kidding, I would LOVE to have my pre-baby body back.)

I said yes. A little more than a month ago, I started training for a half marathon with the help of the GoRun Start to Finish (S2F) program. A little more than a month ago, I couldn’t even run one mile without stopping. And you know what? On Saturday, I ran FIVE FREAKING MILES STRAIGHT!!! Yes, I’m more than a little excited about that. It’s only going to get harder from here, but I’m so grateful I made this commitment to myself. I actually look forward to putting in my miles now, not because I like the feeling of running, but because I like the feeling of having run. No, I don’t have the energy, so I create it while I’m pounding dirt. My girls are intrigued by my new hobby, and I’m a better mom for it. A bit less shouty. My body is my body again, if only from the moment I lace up my Brooks and head out the door, until when I return covered in sweat. I leave the house on empty, and return home full.

And that is why I’m training for a half marathon.

Here’s my official Local Joes bio:

Twitter: @catpoland

Age:29

Occupation: Freelance Writer, Blogger at MomOnTheRange.com

Running Experience: Minimal. I ran a Half Marathon in 2008 as part of the Team in Training for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, but haven’t really ran since.

Biggest Fear About This Project: Since I ran my last Half Marathon five years ago, I’ve birthed two children. So, I’m not really afraid of pushing myself physically. The human body is amazing, and capable of so much more than we think. My biggest fear is time. I have a hard time justifying doing things just for me. If it’s not for my family, my friends, or if I’m not contributing to the family income, I struggle with commitment. I feel selfish, and worry about how I’m going to find time to fit in all the training.

Why You Agreed: I really didn’t have a solid reason not to do this, and I’m an advocate for moms who want to pursue their passions. Every mom is busy, but we can all carve out time to keep our bodies (and minds) healthy.

What You Hope To Get Out Of This Project: Strength. I’m a natural sleepy person, and struggle to keep up with the demands of chasing a two and four year old around. I am not even 30, but often encounter women twice my age with more energy. I want to feel stronger, and be stronger. And I’m not going to lie, I wouldn’t mind getting a little tone back that two kids and a five-year hiatus from exercise took away from me.

You can follow along with my running adventure by checking out #pfmjoes on Twitter.