(Image from momlogic.com)
Lord, I am tired. Head down at 11 p.m. Head up at 5 a.m. With three interruptions in between. I’m not sure how much longer I can last. Years of inadequate sleep have taken their toll on my body. My mind. I am tired. So tired.
And when I feel this way, it’s so hard to let your light shine. It’s not that I want to hide it under a bushel, I just want to crawl under that bushel and go to sleep. Sweet…sleep.
Lord, you’ve known great fatigue, even worse than this. And yet, you kept your eyes focused on your Father. One foot in front of the other, you trudged up that hill, to that place where your life would end. And yet now, I realize, even you fell. Even you struggled under the …
Do I really expect to hear choirs of angels singing when the right window is flung open? Yes. Yes I do. (image from homesteadishome.blogspot.com)
When the door of opportunity has been slammed shut in your face (or on your foot as you were trying to stick it through just in time), friends and loved ones are quick to remind you that “God will open a window.” And it sounds simple enough. When one opportunity doesn’t work out, something else will, right? But how do you know if a window is really open, or if it’s just so clean that it looks open, only to leave you with a smashed face and bruised ego.
I’ve found myself in this position lately, doors unopened, or closed at the last minute, and I’ve been left wondering where I should go next. Is …
Easier said than done. But it must be done.
The last thing on my mind this morning was gratitude. In fact, the first thing on my mind was a string of curse words. While I didn’t let them escape my lips, I felt that if an innocent bystander were to view my body language, they would probably be offended. I was stressed. Angry. Irritated. I slammed doors. I barked commands at my daughters. We had to get out the door NOW! We were going to be late for the doctor! Shoes ON! Coats ON! I was frustrated with the situation, not with them. We’re going on week number three of illness in my house, and the pressures of care taking are starting to wear on me. Little sleep. Constant demands for attention. To-do lists with little actually done. …
Stick your head in the sand, and all anyone sees is an…well, you know. (image from thecycleseen.com)
Ostriches do not actually stick their heads in sand when threatened. They run. So why don’t we? Why do we, as intelligent beings, constantly stick our noggins in that proverbial sand? Sure, sometimes we bolt, sometimes we retaliate, but mostly, we hide. Or try to hide, anyways. We dive in, head-first, to whatever self-medication is most appealing. Food. Sex. Hobbies. Booze. Work. Drugs. Slots. Whatever. Anything to help us avoid the life struggles. The pain. The insecurity. We dive in, and pretend the hurt isn’t there. We all have a vice, or several. We all have addictions. All of us. Some “healthy,” some not. But they’re all diversions.
So what does living with head out of sand look like? I’d …
(image from careermomentum.com)
Job searching. Let me just say this process is no fun. Scanning online ads, reaching out to friends and family for leads, spending hours on one cover letter, and I feel like this search has become a part-time job in and of itself. And while I’ve only been at it for a couple of weeks now, I’m worried. Worried that the money will run out before the job comes in. Worried that potential employers will see the small gap on my resume (when I chose to stay home with my girls), and think I must not be cut out for full-time work. Worried that I’m walking into the unknown and might make the wrong decision. Worry. Worry. Worry.
And all this while, I’ve lost sight of Him. I’m somehow built this bubble around …
I do many, many things wrong as a mother. I lose my temper. I don’t always stick to consistent routines. I try to balance working from home with entertaining my kids, and it doesn’t always work. But I do three things consistently right. I make sure my girls eat a variety of healthy home-cooked foods. I pray openly and often in front of and with them. And I read and read and read whichever books they desire. So for all I do wrong, I can cling to these three things I do right.
