We are never, ever, ever getting back together (my credit card anthem)

Dear Credit Card Companies,

When we broke up four years ago, I knew it wouldn’t be easy. We’d been together for five years, and had made a lot of memories. I get that. But can’t you just get over it? It’s like you’re in denial, certain that one day, we’ll get back together. Well, let me assure you, that won’t happen. And just in case you don’t remember why, here’s a refresher.

I was a different person when I met you. I was 18, young and naive. You promised me big adventures, extravagant shopping trips and most of all, happiness. And security. And a sense of  maturity. And for awhile, I believed you. You courted me. You wooed me. You gave me access to more money than I’d ever had in my entire life. Looking back, I realize you were a predator. But I didn’t know that at the time. I felt important  and deserving of the excitement a piece of plastic could bring. I worked hard, very hard, and shouldn’t I be able to have fun and keep up with my friends? Yes, I wasn’t responsible. But what about you? Why would you increase my credit line when I could barely make my monthly payment? What were you thinking. Well, I knew what you were thinking. You wanted me to be…indebted to you. You needed me to need you. You needed me to keep a high balance. How else would you make a profit? And when I paid a few days late? You salivated. Cha-ching!

But one day, I’d had enough. I’d found someone else. He was practical. He believed in tough love. He told me I deserved better. I deserved to not live in fear. His name was Dave. But not the Dave I married (although he was super helpful, too). His name was Dave Ramsey. And he taught me how to run, not walk away from credit card debt. I listened to his CD every day. I got mad. I got angry. And then, I got even. I scrimped and saved and did without, and pretty soon, my balance was zero. And it stayed at zero. You called to see what was wrong. You told me I would “struggle” without a credit card. It would harm my credit. I couldn’t reserve an airline ticket. Lies. All lies.

So, I kicked you to the curb. I cut you up, and deleted you from my life. You’re no good for me. I don’t want anything to do with you. I don’t want your promises of “rewards and low rates and cash back.” I’ve been there before. All it got me was under water and desperate for a breath of air. Sure, some people might find a good relationship with you, but not me. I’d rather forgo the new shoes, the dinners out and yes, even the “just a little treat” fancy coffees. You say you “miss me” and “want me back.” Well, I don’t miss you. I don’t want you back. And in the words of Taylor Swift:

But Oooh, this time I’m telling you, I’m telling you
We are never ever ever getting back together
We are never ever ever getting back together

Like ever…