What if God is talking, and you just aren’t listening?
How do you know, Cat? How do you know that God has heard you and answered you? How do you know to accept his answer if it’s not how you’ve envisioned the answer or what you actually wanted the answer to be? How?
What an excellent question, asked on a recent post I made about deciding whether or not it’s time for me to go back to work. It’s one I asked myself MANY times before finally jumping off the fence, and onto the unfamiliar turf of full-time at-home parenting. For several years, that’s right, years I’d been sitting on the fence, only to jump back off and run in the opposite direction. But something, always something, would put me back on.
Is this really God? Or my own desires?
Is this really God? Or my own desires?
Is this really God? Or my own desires?
I asked myself this question, and would then assure myself that I couldn’t know for sure. And besides, working allowed me to give freely to my church. Why would God not want that? Working let me set a great example for my girls. Why would God not want that? Working made me fulfilled, and aren’t fulfilled moms happy moms? Why would God not want that? Now I know, it’s not that he didn’t want these things for me, but there was personal and spiritual growth that needed to happen. And in my former position (as director of communications for a state-wide nonprofit), there was no way I’d compromise my organization or position by going into depth about my brother’s story. I was never ashamed of it, but I had to keep a pretty vanilla public profile.
So, how did God speak to me? Where’s the proof? I have none. There’s no document, no sign. Just my experiences. Real, powerful experiences. I can’t share all of them, but I’ll share a few. The first was like the proverbial lightening bolt, and happened when my first born was nine months old. As I sat rocking her one afternoon, I opened my mind, heart and soul and asked God to speak to me. Really speak to me. I wouldn’t ask, I wouldn’t tell. I would only listen. All thoughts cleared, which is so rare. Then, as if someone was standing right beside me, a calm voice asserted, “Quit your job.”
“Quit my job?!” I sat straight up and asked. To whom? God? Was I challenging him? That was crazy talk. That couldn’t have been God. Financially, this wasn’t possible. My husband was still in school, and my income was higher than his at that time. “Well, that was weird,” I told myself. And I pushed on. Got a promotion. Lived my job. Loved my job. But something was off kilter. When God gives you a direct command, and you blatantly disobey, your soul is unsettled. And as much as I’ve been overwhelmed, felt like throwing in the towel, felt insecure, and doubted myself, I’ve never felt that same uneasiness at home as when I was working.
During the several months leading up to the big day (when I left work), I would listen to our local contemporary Christian station during my 45-minute one-way commute. And nearly every time I would get in my car, the same song would play. Maybe not from the beginning, but it would be on. White Flag, by Chris Tomlin. The message was clear. Surrender. Give up the fight. Lay my weapons of self-sufficiency and pride down. Lay down. Surrender to God’s will. And that’s how I know. I raised my white flag. Now I know.
The battle rages on
A storm in temptest roar
We cannot win this fight
Inside our rebel hearts
We’re laying down our weapons now
We raise our white flags
We surrender all to you
All for you
We raise our white flag
The war is over
Love has come
Your love has won
Here on this holy ground
You made a way for peace
Laying your body down
You took our rightful place
This freedom song is marching on
We lift the cross
Lift it high
Lift it high
Have you given up hope that God will ever speak to you? Ask yourself this. Have you been earnestly listening? Not begging. Not pleading. Just listening? And more so, have you followed? Or did you, like me, deny that it could be God’s will? You’d already made up your mind, but he didn’t give the answer you wanted? If you believe in the loving God of the universe, don’t you think He knows what He’s doing? Surrender your will to His, and see what happens.
I believe god talks to me through others and through that still small voice. But only when I listen, which is hard because I run around too much. This is a brave and beautiful post.
Oh, thank you Christie. I didn’t publish that it was a “God thing” when I first left. I thought people might think I was crazy. Now, I just don’t care. 🙂
So proud of you for sharing!!
Great post! I have heard God speak to me, and his messages have been clear when I’ve taken the time to stop and listen and trust Him. I’ve learned that I cannot have peace in my soul and I can’t sleep well at night when I feel I’m living outside of God’s plan. When I’ve truly followed Him without fear (and that honestly doesn’t happen as often as it should), I find I can breathe deeply, sleep soundly and feel contentment in the midst of what would normally bring me to my knees in fear. While we’ve had many scary moments of “how will we pay for this?” over the past few years, God has always provided. (And I’ve learned that most of what we have is not a necessity – people in third world countries live on far less – but God has always provided for my real needs.) Continued prayers for you as you follow His will and listen for His voice.
AMAZING post…and exactly what I needed to read today…was just about to charge forward with my own plan- thanks for the reminder that I need to get quiet and ask God first.
Thank you for reading Cari. And thank you for what you’re doing with your ministry!
Thank you for this. Since I asked the question, I appreciate it that much more, that you took the time to address it, explain how you’d once been afflicted by the “is that God talking to me” question. I will admit that I haven’t been the best listener, wanting only a direct “do this, not this”. I know it’s not too late, that I simply need to actually heed the direction I was being led in instead of balking, questioning, refusing. Life be hard, yo.
I’m glad you enjoyed the post. And you know, it could be possible that if you did in fact decide to follow a different path than God intended for you, he may want to show you something new, rather than where he was leading you before. Confused yet? 😉