Has it really been five days since I’ve written? Hmm. It feels strange…that it doesn’t feel strange. You see, I’ve had a bit on my plate the last two weeks. In the course of fourteen days, my youngest daughter first came down with the rotavirus, had two days of relative good health, then got another stomach bug for 24 hours, and then to top it all off, is now fighting RSV. Ooph. Throw in the typical Christmas hustle and bustle, plus a sick husband, and another sick child in the mix, and you start to see why I’ve been kept away from the laptop.
Now I guess that’s not completely true. I’ve had time to write. Small chunks of time, but time nonetheless. So, then, what kept me from sharing my usual once-a-day posts? I just …
I had a job interview this week, for a position I really, really hope I get. It’s ideal for me, for my family, and I feel that I would be great fit for the organization. It all seems to make sense. The interview went well, I built rapport, felt at ease, and gave an authentic representation of myself and my abilities. I left it all on the table. I shook hands, and walked away knowing I’d done my best. So why am I worried? Why am I anxiously checking my phone, my email? I know it’s in God’s hands. I know. And yet, I worry. Worry that if this doesn’t work out, it must mean I’m not good enough. But despite my level of anxiety, it’s nowhere near what it would have been six months …
Stick your head in the sand, and all anyone sees is an…well, you know. (image from thecycleseen.com)
Ostriches do not actually stick their heads in sand when threatened. They run. So why don’t we? Why do we, as intelligent beings, constantly stick our noggins in that proverbial sand? Sure, sometimes we bolt, sometimes we retaliate, but mostly, we hide. Or try to hide, anyways. We dive in, head-first, to whatever self-medication is most appealing. Food. Sex. Hobbies. Booze. Work. Drugs. Slots. Whatever. Anything to help us avoid the life struggles. The pain. The insecurity. We dive in, and pretend the hurt isn’t there. We all have a vice, or several. We all have addictions. All of us. Some “healthy,” some not. But they’re all diversions.
So what does living with head out of sand look like? I’d …
I know some dismiss blogging as a “silly hobby” or perhaps a strange obsession, but for me, it’s now a way of life. Not only that, but it’s connected me to some amazing people, who I never would have met otherwise. (Well, I might have, but it’s a long shot.) One particular connection I’ve made is “I Still Hate Pickles” blogger Kirsten, but her friends call her Kiki. 🙂 She lives in Texas, has two little ones, and a baby on the way. She’s funny, feisty and completely down-to-earth. And here’s another thing that drew me to her. She follows Christ but isn’t afraid to show her flaws: “I try to live a transparent and authentic life, which means I screw up all the time but attempt to be honest about that. If …
(image from careermomentum.com)
Job searching. Let me just say this process is no fun. Scanning online ads, reaching out to friends and family for leads, spending hours on one cover letter, and I feel like this search has become a part-time job in and of itself. And while I’ve only been at it for a couple of weeks now, I’m worried. Worried that the money will run out before the job comes in. Worried that potential employers will see the small gap on my resume (when I chose to stay home with my girls), and think I must not be cut out for full-time work. Worried that I’m walking into the unknown and might make the wrong decision. Worry. Worry. Worry.
And all this while, I’ve lost sight of Him. I’m somehow built this bubble around …
I do many, many things wrong as a mother. I lose my temper. I don’t always stick to consistent routines. I try to balance working from home with entertaining my kids, and it doesn’t always work. But I do three things consistently right. I make sure my girls eat a variety of healthy home-cooked foods. I pray openly and often in front of and with them. And I read and read and read whichever books they desire. So for all I do wrong, I can cling to these three things I do right.
