Prude and Proud

I’ll be the first to admit I don’t always make the healthiest parenting decisions. My kids probably watch too much TV (even if it’s educational, it’s probably too much), I KNOW they drink too much juice, and on nights that we’re really tired, get home late, or fall asleep on the couch, we don’t always brush their teeth before bed. So, before I get on my soapbox, let me assure you that I am not a perfect parent, by far.

That being said, there is one thing I pride myself on. Being a prude. Raising two daughters in this overly-sexualized world is tough, but I’m trying to navigate these waters the best I can. I’m not trying to keep them little forever, or prevent them from ever becoming sexual beings (THAT will be awkward) I’m just trying to parent intentionally, and not “by default” (letting the norms of society dictate my actions, or lack of actions).

Elizabeth Hurley recently came under fire for her line of swimwear for young girls, and for good reason. But I have to cut her a little slack. I don’t think her designs are any worse than I see on the racks at Target. Now that swimsuit season is behind us, another obstacle approaches: Halloween. A holiday that I’m not a big fan of anyway (for personal reasons, my brother died that weekend in 1999.) But there’s another reason I dread Halloween, the costumes. Oh my goodness, what are these manufacturers thinking? They’re seeing dollar signs, and that’s about it. And in this capitalistic society, I suppose that’s okay. But if we can regulate food marketed at children, why not clothing? Why not?

Girls should learn to appreciate their bodies for what they can DO, not for what they LOOK like. (I openly nursed and pumped in front of my toddler when my youngest was born.) And these teeny-weeny bikinis and “sexy witch” costumes only focus on aesthetics. I know it sounds strange, but I almost think it would be less sexual for young girls (like under 4) to wear swim trunks and no top (like their male counterparts). Why? Because that tiny piece of fabric covering her undeveloped breast only serves to accentuate that feature she doesn’t even have yet. And what about practicality? How can girls run and jump and splash around to their heart’s delight if they’re worried about their tushys falling out? And what about UV protection? The list goes on and on.

And it’s not just swimwear and costumes. What about athletic shorts? Why are girls’ shorter? It obviously doesn’t impede the boys’ movement to have their shorts an inch longer, so why differentiate girl shorts, especially for pre-pubescent kids who are shaped nearly the same?

I have a lot of friends and acquaintances who disagree with me on this. They’re all wonderful people, and honestly see nothing wrong with this kind of attire for children. Some of the arguments I got (and I love you all, but we can agree to disagree, right?):

– They are no worse than bikinis were in the 70’s & 80’s. Maybe, but does that mean they’re healthy? We’ve come a long way since then about what’s beneficial for children.   (Car seats, sunscreen, no alcohol while pregnant, and on and on.)

– The adults who sexualize them are the ones with the problem, not the kids. Well of COURSE the adults are the problem. The kids don’t know better, that’s the point. I can tell you one thing, there are many, many perverts out there. Some who search for photos of kids online. And when someone searched for “young girl wearing swimsuit and boots,” they found my blog. And although it freaked me out (A LOT), I’m glad, so glad, my girls wear one-piece swimsuits.

– Girls have been wearing bikinis for years. Ok, your point? Kids have been drinking soda for years, that doesn’t make it healthy.

– They sell really well, and parents have told us their kids love them (from Hurley’s reps). Again, what’s your point? Lollipops and Twinkies sell well, and kids love them, does this mean they’re healthy?

– A lot of parents put kids in bikinis for bathroom simplicity. I totally feel you here. I once tried to pull up a wet one-piece on my daughter, and yanked her off of her feet, causing her to nearly bust her face on the concrete bathroom floor. But tankinis are a better option for this. Still covers up, but allows for easier bathroom breaks.

Now, on to Halloween costumes. The inappropriateness of string bikinis for toddlers PALES in comparison to these. I’m not even going to show photos of the bad ones. Only the ones that I think are actually a good option for young girls. And it’s not only youth costumes that are “scary.” I just want to say, once and for all, that I completely disagree with the concept of “sexy Girl Scout” costumes. Now, I realize people sexualize everything at Halloween (animals, dead people, etc.), but there’s something particularly wrong about these costumes. Last year at Party City, they featured a brown version of this “Don’t Touch My Cookies” costume. The green one is bad enough, but the brown one really irked me! Why? Do you know who wears brown uniforms? Well, Brownies, of course. Do you know how old Brownies are? Second and third graders. Someone, somewhere, decided they were “sexy” and made a costume. How messed up is that? (Full disclosure, I used to be the spokeswoman for the Girl Scouts, which is why I’m so familiar with this particular outrage.)

Okay, I think I’m done venting (for now). I don’t think you’re a bad parent if you dress your daughter this way, but just think about your decisions, and make sure you’re being intentional, rather than dressing them by default. Have frequent conversations with them about the amazing things their bodies can DO (like jump and run and sing and dance and read and write) instead of just focusing on what they LOOK like. And I’ll try to cut back on my daughter’s juice consumption.

Here are some costumes that I actually like for Halloween: