YOU are worth more. (A message for young ladies.)

Hello there. You may not know me, but I know you. Yes, you look at me, and see a worn-out young mom, navigating the aisles of the grocery store with two small children in tow. My cart is bulging with cereal, apple juice and produce, while you’re simply popping in to snag a pack of gum. We live very different lives. In your eyes, I’m probably irrelevant. And that’s okay. But you know what? I was just like you, not so very long ago. I had the same problems, experienced the same emotions, and lived to tell about it.

And while you may disregard what I have to say, I wish you would listen to this one simple truth. YOU are worth more than you may realize. Perhaps you’re self aware, confident and immune to the damaging effects of unhealthy relationships, but maybe, just maybe, you’re not. Maybe you feel relatively happy in the morning until you look in the mirror and see a zit on your chin. One that wasn’t there yesterday. Or maybe your once perfect jeans are getting a little snug. Or maybe you’re just never going to fill out that new bra you bought. And just like that, you start to feel less than lovable. You carry this insecurity with you through the day, the week, the month, the year. You hope nobody sees. But he sees.

There’s this guy. Maybe you think he’s cute. Maybe you don’t. But he starts to give you attention. And it feels good. He buys you things. Maybe small things, like a pop, or a meal. But then it’s big things. Like jewelry or a new phone. He must love you, right? Only, sometimes, he’s kind of a jerk. He ignores your phone calls. He flirts with your friends right in front of you. He mentions that those jeans are a little too tight. And right when you’ve had enough, he does something to win you back. He sends flowers to school. Your friends get jealous. And it feels good. He writes you a poem. And it feels good. He tells you he loves you. And it feels amazing.

You continue this way, all in love, until something changes. Again with the ignored calls. The compliment that’s not quite a compliment. The little jabs. The mean tone in his voice. But what’s this? He apologizes. Swears he’ll change. He does all the right things, and does them so well, and it feels good. Until…he tells you he needs space. Tells you he just wants to be friends. Only, not just friends. Maybe you could still kiss and stuff. Maybe more. I mean, you love him, so it’s okay, right? You’re just on a break. But his rules for a break aren’t the same as yours. You get a text. One that was meant for another girl. You get mad. You start to walk away. For good.

Only, he begs you not to go. He cries. He swears he can’t go on without you. Please give him another chance. He buys you more things. More affection. More sweet talk. And it feels good. You take him back. The cycle continues. But let me assure you, that while he may make you feel like you aren’t worth more, YOU are. You are. You are. His affection only feels so good, because he made you feel so bad. He knocks you down, and then lifts you up. Over and over and over. So what should you do?

Run. Don’t walk away. Run. As fast as you can. This kind of relationship has a name. It’s called emotional abuse. No, he doesn’t hit you with fists. But he hits you. With words. With looks. With cold-hearted actions. Yes, all relationships have issues, but when the ups and downs go round and round, it’s time to move on. For good. No looking back. No just friends. Run.

You’ll find someone else, but don’t rush. Bad boys are overrated. You’ll find someone decent and kind. Someone who wants to meet your parents, and doesn’t honk at the door for you. Someone who cares more about what’s in your heart than what’s underneath your shirt. Someone who values your emotions, and doesn’t get a kick out of pulling on them like puppet strings. No, he won’t be perfect. Nobody is. Neither are you. Don’t waste your time waiting for a knight in shining armor, but don’t waste your worth by settling for a jackass in a shiny pickup.

YOU are worth more. 

(Here’s a helpful dating abuse checklist if you’re concerned about a relationship you’re in, as well as tips on what to do.)